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And littlest of all does he know that this entire situation will be executed with near-total gracelessness

Whatever you choose, keep in mind that your wedding is a celebration, so above all else, make sure that your choice adds to the fun

Butter lettuce and green leaf lettuce also work, but I like the crunchiness of Romaine

Thankfully, he was game to take it on

Thanks I personally find burgundy/bordeaux/plum/oxblood to be the most universal shoe colour if the shade is dark enough, it really can work with anything and appear both formal and semi-casual at the same time, depending on rest of the outfit

Its impossible to take a person in that attire seriously, and the same is true to a lesser degree if you opt for a sandy brown set of loafers or boat shoes with a nice pair of tuxedo pants